64

Hello to all of you out there who are getting older. And that is all of you out there. I have discovered that I really need to remind myself more often that there are always ways to spend time besides reading. I had planned to put up signs over the house. However withouat a sign to remind me to put up signs I forgot and wasted several days that I could have been feeling guilty about ignoring the signs. So that is what I will work on today. Signs. I need more sticky notes.

Older, sometimes. Better, always.

There are few good things to say about life sometimes. Stress causes the worst sort of tiredness and depression. I have dealt with the problem of depression for my whole life. For a long time I didn't have any idea what the problem was. I did a whole lot of drinking and acting out. I was a not so good wife and a not so good mother. I was not a loving and kind person. I was a hider. I hid from life. There were sometimes periods that I wanted nothing more than to stay in a bathrobe for weeks.

I have been fortunate to have come to the surface after swimming underwater off and on for years. I know how difficult it can be to slog through mud day after day. I am 64 now and I have discovered that I will always have the problem of wanting to hide. But I have made the choice to acknowledge this problem and not hide from it anymore. I have a problem with lack of focus. I don't know if the problem is the sort that has a medical name. To me, it doesn't matter. I am aware of the problem so I have decided to work with it. So I have to often remind myself of the things I need to work on. The memory and focus problem is not a good excuse for failure.

I've decided on the best way for me to handle the problem of forgetting to do the things I need to do for myself. Lists and reminder notes should help me stay on track. I will put up notes. I have often been afraid of being laughed at by the VSO but I think I am ready to face him and if it works we will both be happier. So notes go up today. Lists begin to appear every morning. My
beautiful and intelligent baby daughter has lists and says they will really help her keep up with things. Since she has 2 babies and still manages to do a good job on keeping up with things, I have to try the list things.

One thing I deem really important is to forgive myself for not living up to my expections. I used to try to live up to the expectations of the others in my life. Gave that up. I discovered it is painful to try to be someone else. But I have laid a guilt trip on myself for not living up to the awful expectations I have for myself. And being a sucker for a reason to not do something, I used those expectations as reasons not to try. The laugh is definitely on me. If you don't do anything, it definitely will end up that nothing is done.

Now is the time to laugh at myself. So for the next few days I am going to try the note and list system and you can visualize me getting up off my far too large ass and moving about with some sort of organization. Or not.

I am an old dog

3 computers. We now have 3 computers. I can compute in 3 rooms in my house. Addiction you say? Lets not go there.

My computer #1 is the old one I have had for 6 years. You know, I wasn't aware that computers have a shorter life than dogs. Anyway, I began sharing the computer with my Very Significant Other last year when he discovered online gaming. And as slow as it was, online gaming just made a bad situation worse. He complained about the computer speed and he was right. So this year, after some financial luck, I was able to purchase a better computer. I had the old one put into the studio and the new one in the office. Then with an even better stroke of luck, I was able to get a laptop for a wonderful price. So I have 3 and one is purple.

I find myself doing more things to my house lately too. There are the wonderful end tables for the living room that I was able to purchase from Overstock. They came yesterday. In boxes. Unassembled. I read the instructions, followed them, and in no time I had new end tables. (actually, 3 sweaty hours later.) I found myself feeling lucky that my dad was an engineer and I was his only son. I am good at putting things together.

So here I am, at 64, having put together the newest pieces of furniture in the house and totally unable to reach my back anymore for patting. Sometimes an old dog doesn't have to learn new tricks. The old ones are fine.

Today

Today I plan- the rest of the week. Having found out that I forget things in large numbers, I have developed a plan- to plan. I have several notebooke in which I can keep things I need. Such as the Plan!!! So today, I will take the time to set up the plan. I mean things to do in the house, not just cleaning but painting, redoing, redecorating, etc. And things to do for my VSO and myself. Food, clothing, etc.

I will also plan not just when the birthdays come but the things I plan to do about them. July was a busy one birthday wise. My daughter-in-law, youngest daughter, VSO, and myself, not to mention the grandson born on my birthday(yippeeeeee!). But there are several others left in the year. And I need to get cards and gifts out on time.

Another thing to do is to create a central registration for all paid bills etc. I pay some online, some are auto deducted and some come in the form of hard copies. To keep up, I need a central location to check what has been done and how much. Then I need to keep it up.

There are so many things in my closet that I can't keep up with what I have, what fits, etc. So now I am setting aside a day a week for trying things on, putting things aside and making the closet more available. Maybe this will keep me from buying things I already have.

So far, I have a plan to have a plan. Is that procrastinating? I don't know.

Loves, Judy

64

Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I'm 64? U bet.