I think I must be lucky

I can't count the times I have screwed up in my life. At the time I thought I had screwed up my life but that is actually not the way it worked. I have less contact with some people than I might have but that's OK too. I had a friend I worked with. I felt a lot of love for her and she said she did for me. However, since I'm no longer working with her it has gone. I called a few times. But she never called me. I've learned from that to not count on the things people say but on the things they do.

God knows I've opened my mouth and stuck both feet in up to the knees. I still remember something I said in 1967 that hurt a girl's feelings. It was a dumb thing to do. I've learned never to make fun of something someone has or does.

I've made promises I intended to keep. I worked hard to be a sort of person. I tried every way to remodel myself like I thought I was expected to be. But it doesn't work. Being my true self is the only way. And my true self would sometimes rather be silent than to hurt someone.

I dragged my baggage around after me for almost 25 years after my marriage ended. I find now, after learning the truth about my past from a good source, I can let it go. Things I based my beliefs on were just not true. Things I thought about myself were just not true. Stuff happened then. This is now.

I'm not an outwardly religious person and I have come to believe that the world works just as it should anyway. I must be lucky because often when something was needed to help me survive it has appeared. Things in my life are better now that I've gotten older. I didn't expect that.