Judy's big new year

I finally got approved for the sleeve surgery which will occur on Feb. 24. I'm trying to get emotionally ready for it. It only took 6 weeks for the insurance company to realize they are carrying my insurance next year and give the go ahead. So in the meantime, it took 6 weeks for the flooring I ordered to be located and sent to town. It comes tomorrow and is supposed to be installed next week. And I lost a crown and have an appt with the dentist Wed. I hope he'll pull the danged thing. And my honey's grandmother died. And our computer broke down and the repair person doesn't seem to be able to fix it. So my honey, who is a big gamer, has been out of sorts in a major way. So he works in a building with no heat and holes and is on the river and Tues of last week it was six degrees inside and he came home early. No computer. Geesh. It's only Jan 13 and I may be tired of 2014 already.

Surgery

My refresh button is going to be bariatric surgery. I am waiting for the approval by the insurance company and then it will be scheduled. I hate the fact that I need to have the surgery because I always have a problem with anesthetic. But I hate continuing down the path I'm on even more. I have had a weight problem most of my life. When I was younger I had some control. But now, not so much. And I learned that after you pass a certain body mass index, there is a shift in the hormone balances and it is twice as hard to lose weight and almost impossible to keep it off. So because of the other health issues I have which are aggravated by the excess weight, I'm going to do the surgery.

I am thinking that all of the things I've learned so far say that I need to communicate with others when post surgery. I've joined a bariatric support site on the computer. But I thought I might do well to take my readers on this journey with me. A person can always use support. And maybe someone has been thinking about the surgery and would like to read my experiences. So as I wait for the insurance company to approve me, I'll start sharing my feelings and my activities. I hope for good luck with this step.

Sometimes it's not age

I'm having the most confusing time I've had in a long time. I've signed up for bariatric surgery and I'm waiting for the insurance company to let the doctor know they will pay for it and then they will call me and set up a time for the surgery. I've already had a conference with the doctor about the type of surgery and that is set. I've had lots of fluids taken and tested. I've had testing with a psychologist and  I'm taking iron and had a vitamin D shot.

I was told to go on a 1200 calorie diet. That's really funny because if I could stick to that I wouldn't have needed to have the surgery. Meanwhile I'm wondering where I should be on the diabetes. And I've been told that I won't be able to take pills after the surgery for quite a while. And I'm supposed to find other ways to take the meds I need. And I'm supposed to be exercising. And that is part of why I need the surgery. Bad back and bad knees limit exercise. I went on a cpap and I'm not needing naps as much during the day. But I'd love to have more of the energy that some folks talk about.

Now for the fun. Iron stops me up so I take something to fix that. It works too well often. The cpap helps with breathing at night so I don't snore but does nothing for the stopped up nose due to allergies. And none of the things I've been doing are helping my memory. I still can't think of words sometimes. I suppose I was expecting too much too soon. I guess I need to be more patient. But I'm 68 and sometimes I become impatient.

Isn't it fun to get old?

Sometimes it just comes

I have had to make a lot of decisions in the last few months. I'm 68 now and I don't want the next 10 years to be like the last ten. I've been aware of the lost memory, slowed reflexes, weight gain, decreased mobility and many more things that have happened to me. I am also aware that much of the problems stems from poor behavior on my part.(too sedentary, too much and the wrong foods, etc) But now I am faced with decision time. I'm in the beginning of an upcoming weight loss surgery. There are tons of things to learn and to do. I know there are big changes coming in all parts of my life and I'm going to chronicle these changes on this blog in case anyone is faced with the same things and in case anyone has a health care decision to make. I'm usually not afraid of change but I am always afraid that I can't do something that is difficult. I'm going to reach out for support and I'd appreciate any information anyone has on this surgery. 

I mean it

I'm writing this while listening to Barbara Streisand Guilty album. Sometimes I forget to use the things I know will relax me and make me smile. I came across this on YouTube. It reminded me.

A long time

So much has happened in the last couple of months. I've gotten a reverse mortgage, had a colonoscopy, had a sleep study, and begun the process of signing up for bariatric or weight loss surgery. I am trying to get some painting done, have new wood floors installed, clean out a huge hoarded mess, sell some stuff on ebay, and lose weight I've gained. I feel overwhelmed and I'm noticing that I don't keep up with stuff like I did when younger. So I'm using a program that was put on my computer. It's post its for the computer. And they are great. Since I'm on the computer every day I can list the things I need to do and when they need to be done. And it's right there when I turn the computer on in the morning. This is a case of an old dog using a new trip. Ain't it fun?

I think I must be lucky

I can't count the times I have screwed up in my life. At the time I thought I had screwed up my life but that is actually not the way it worked. I have less contact with some people than I might have but that's OK too. I had a friend I worked with. I felt a lot of love for her and she said she did for me. However, since I'm no longer working with her it has gone. I called a few times. But she never called me. I've learned from that to not count on the things people say but on the things they do.

God knows I've opened my mouth and stuck both feet in up to the knees. I still remember something I said in 1967 that hurt a girl's feelings. It was a dumb thing to do. I've learned never to make fun of something someone has or does.

I've made promises I intended to keep. I worked hard to be a sort of person. I tried every way to remodel myself like I thought I was expected to be. But it doesn't work. Being my true self is the only way. And my true self would sometimes rather be silent than to hurt someone.

I dragged my baggage around after me for almost 25 years after my marriage ended. I find now, after learning the truth about my past from a good source, I can let it go. Things I based my beliefs on were just not true. Things I thought about myself were just not true. Stuff happened then. This is now.

I'm not an outwardly religious person and I have come to believe that the world works just as it should anyway. I must be lucky because often when something was needed to help me survive it has appeared. Things in my life are better now that I've gotten older. I didn't expect that.