Slippage

Lately I have found myself allowing age and increasing aches and pains to tell me what I can and cannot do. When reading a magazine article on marriage and relationships, I came across the idea that I wouldn't allow a man to tell me how I can live my life. That is, of course, after 23 years of doing just that.

I have decided that the concept of self-determination should apply to all parts of my life. I am almost 65, have spinal stenosis, am fat, and have a tendency to give up. I have long had a problem with memory and focus. I am allowing age, health, fat, and past behavior to decide how I spend the rest of my life.

I've plowed through magazines and books. I have googled till I'm googled out. I've looked through every nutrition book I can find. And none of these sites has shown me the way to easily fix the above problems. So I am looking now to see what I can do about the next 30 years. Yup, I plan to live at least 30 more years.

Often the diet plans say tell everyone you know that you are on a diet. But every time I tell people that I am dieting, I feel like a worse fool when I fail. So I am forced to attempt to get this TCB plan away from my friends and family. I still need a forum for bitching and for savoring my successes. Guess what!!!!!!!!!! This is a perfect forum. When I accomplish things I will add them to my blog where I can see them for a long time. And if there is a chore that I cannot complete to my satisfaction I can share it with the other bloggers who choose to see my writings. That way I can continue to hold my head high in front of friends and family and hopefully will not be tempted to cease my efforts.

For a long time now I have been doing a great deal of reading. Mostly mysteries that include a job, a hobby, or other genre specific pursuit. I read books by women. I find that the female point of view is preferable. However, I am saddened by some of the books. One such series includes a woman who is not happy about her weight. Every time she is offered any food, this author has her initially refuse and then indulge. She uses food as a way to feel better when she is unhappy, etc. What do think when I read this? I stubbornly see her as a failure and as someone with no self esteem. By the way, did I mention that I'm fat? And of course I didn't get that way by having a huge dose of self esteem and by turning down good food. That means that the tendencies that this character has are things I consider character flaws. I have them all. Time to look into the mirror and see the truth. Damn.