Again, with prejudice

I'm diabetic. I'm fighting something that can kill me slowly and make me miserable in the meantime. And I'm mad about it. I suppose my attitude at first was not realistic. I was glad to find out what was wrong with me. I was glad to have something to focus on. So for the first few months I did really well. I ate mostly low carbs and a lot of protein. I went from one easy to grab thing to another. And my first tests were pretty good. But life can conspire to give kicks in the rear whether you want them or not. I know I have never been good at maintaining focus. And I know that I'm quick to go for the easiest out.

This winter was a series of things that I'm sorry to say got in the way. Dark days make for depression. Depression makes for exhaustion. At least with me it does. Cold weather hurts my back and knees. And pain in the back and knees makes for exhaustion and depression. Exhaustion makes for grabbing the easiest things to eat and makes for the least amount of work possible.(read-no cooking) And there are only so many things that one can grab that aren't high in carbs. So the focus on the best diet for me was out  the window. I skipped going to the doctor because I didn't want to admit the screw up that my life had become. Meanwhile, the weight crept up, putting more pressure on the knees and back, and causing more exhaustion and depression. So finally I made an appointment with the doctor. I'm going in on Friday. I'm aware that I should have gone months ago. My reaction to being pushed into doing something is to push back. But in the meantime I'm unhappy. Big time. And exhausted. So by going to the doctor I'm going to make myself look again at the things I need to do.

I'm aware that this post has been depressing. I must face that I'm depressing others. I hope to be more upbeat soon. I'm trying to add more protein sources to my diet because I'm freakin tired of the things I've been eating. I hope it works because I'd love to smile more.