OK I lied

If you look closely at the photo of me you will see that I am terrifically well endowed in the upper chest department. What you don't see is visible when you compare my current pic with the one on the blog main page. And then if you go lower you'll find that my belly is large enough to look pregnant. My hips in the back are football size and there isn't much of a butt. There are just huge upper arms, a lot of extra weight in my neck and on the back of my shoulders. There are rolls everywhere.

I lied when I said I was not growing old, gracefully. I have fought the battle of the bulge for 47 years or ever since I began choosing my own meals. I was in college when I singlehandedly changed the freshman 5 to the freshman 15 pounds gained. And you probably wouldn't have called me thin to start with. I was fairly normal in size for my height. Things became radically worse for me weight wise when I had my first child and gained 51 pounds. The yoyo started then. I was able to lose most of the weight but never again did I feel slim and attractive. During the rest of the time I was married I had 2 more children and didn't gain much weight. But in between, I went up and down. I tried Weight Watchers, Adkins, low protien and high carb. I tried exercise clubs and just swimming or walking. Alas to no avail. One thing I do excel at is quitting.

I am afraid now. I have the belly fat that the doctors say causes heart attacks and strokes. And knowing that hasn't made me do the weight loss that I need. There are a huge number of things I want to do. The weight, paired with the spinal problem and the knee problem is hindering me and causing me to be tired, in pain, and generally down. And the weight is making the knee and back worse. I am in pretty bad pain a lot of the time to the point where sleep isn't easy to come by. I need structure and I don't have the money for even weight watchers. I did try Jennie Craig and found it very expensive and very hard to stick with. So as a last ditch attempt, tomorrow I am going to Overeaters Anonymous to a meeting. I know about OA from having fought the AA battle. I am not an alcoholic but during the ending of the marriage that was where I ended up. Everyone needs help sometimes. I need it now. I need to discover how to overcome the eating addiction and put some joy back into my life.

I will not break anonymity. I will not discuss anything on the blog about the OA experience except to share with you who read the blog what is happening to me as a result of the meetings. I will be happy if someone with a similar peoblem is helped. But I will be writing about the experience to help me. I really need it.