OK I lied

If you look closely at the photo of me you will see that I am terrifically well endowed in the upper chest department. What you don't see is visible when you compare my current pic with the one on the blog main page. And then if you go lower you'll find that my belly is large enough to look pregnant. My hips in the back are football size and there isn't much of a butt. There are just huge upper arms, a lot of extra weight in my neck and on the back of my shoulders. There are rolls everywhere.

I lied when I said I was not growing old, gracefully. I have fought the battle of the bulge for 47 years or ever since I began choosing my own meals. I was in college when I singlehandedly changed the freshman 5 to the freshman 15 pounds gained. And you probably wouldn't have called me thin to start with. I was fairly normal in size for my height. Things became radically worse for me weight wise when I had my first child and gained 51 pounds. The yoyo started then. I was able to lose most of the weight but never again did I feel slim and attractive. During the rest of the time I was married I had 2 more children and didn't gain much weight. But in between, I went up and down. I tried Weight Watchers, Adkins, low protien and high carb. I tried exercise clubs and just swimming or walking. Alas to no avail. One thing I do excel at is quitting.

I am afraid now. I have the belly fat that the doctors say causes heart attacks and strokes. And knowing that hasn't made me do the weight loss that I need. There are a huge number of things I want to do. The weight, paired with the spinal problem and the knee problem is hindering me and causing me to be tired, in pain, and generally down. And the weight is making the knee and back worse. I am in pretty bad pain a lot of the time to the point where sleep isn't easy to come by. I need structure and I don't have the money for even weight watchers. I did try Jennie Craig and found it very expensive and very hard to stick with. So as a last ditch attempt, tomorrow I am going to Overeaters Anonymous to a meeting. I know about OA from having fought the AA battle. I am not an alcoholic but during the ending of the marriage that was where I ended up. Everyone needs help sometimes. I need it now. I need to discover how to overcome the eating addiction and put some joy back into my life.

I will not break anonymity. I will not discuss anything on the blog about the OA experience except to share with you who read the blog what is happening to me as a result of the meetings. I will be happy if someone with a similar peoblem is helped. But I will be writing about the experience to help me. I really need it.

Spring

This weekend we set the clocks forward by one hour. I am not losing sleep over it however. I am losing sleep over the coming shorts season. There are not many things that could get me outside to tan but hiding fat is one of them. I have heard that dark colors are slimming. So I figure that the darker I get the thinner I will look. Do you believe that? I thought not.

The doctor will be proud of me. I have not gained any more on the triglicerides scale. Sunday I will weigh on the bathroom scale. I am working with my daughter to lose some weight. I really need to do it even though the thought of dieting is totally abhorrent to me. I will not publish my weight but starting Sunday I will use this blog as a way to blow off steam, share trials, and recipes. And I'll not lie to the super folks who tune in. Damn, I wish I could get out of this. I am one of the folks that can focus for 2 minutes and then I chase butterflies. This will be a real challenge.

Today

Yesterday I was able to accomplish many things that needed to be done in the house. I get tired, I sit. Pain comes, I sit. However in a couple of minutes, I get up and go on about my business. This is the answer to the problems of being a lousy housekeeper. Before, when tiredness or pain came, I sat. I didn't get up. Now I do.
I find that looking around the house and seeing things that need to be done does not allow the restful sitting that I used to do. Now, with my increasing age and blurring vision, the things that bother me about the house are bothering me more and more. I wonder if I finally figured out that they wouldn't go away if I just sat.

We had some snow and lots of ice, sleet and rain. This began Friday afternoon. It was talked about all week. Well, I usually go to the grocery store sometime on Wednesday and get the week's stuff. That was what I did last Wednesday and this time it was a madhouse. I could hardly get through the store. Lots of things were sparse or completely gone. And amazingly enough, most of the people there were older folks. Not many younger women or men were shopping. Thursday must have been the day for the younger folks. There must be a thing about waking up to snow and not having a staple in the kitchen. Like it can kill or something.

I have been reading some books about looking terrific over 40. A good idea!!!!! And there are more body types in the books than in the books for younger people. However, I have yet to see a good representation of the folded body type. You know the one; folds of fat front, back, and on the sides. The books all say to nip the garments in to create a waistline. So what do I do with my belly?

Still looking for the easy path to weight loss.