signing off

I have enjoyed having this blog but it is time to let it go and go onto other things. Bye

Today

Yesterday I was able to accomplish many things that needed to be done in the house. I get tired, I sit. Pain comes, I sit. However in a couple of minutes, I get up and go on about my business. This is the answer to the problems of being a lousy housekeeper. Before, when tiredness or pain came, I sat. I didn't get up. Now I do.
I find that looking around the house and seeing things that need to be done does not allow the restful sitting that I used to do. Now, with my increasing age and blurring vision, the things that bother me about the house are bothering me more and more. I wonder if I finally figured out that they wouldn't go away if I just sat.

We had some snow and lots of ice, sleet and rain. This began Friday afternoon. It was talked about all week. Well, I usually go to the grocery store sometime on Wednesday and get the week's stuff. That was what I did last Wednesday and this time it was a madhouse. I could hardly get through the store. Lots of things were sparse or completely gone. And amazingly enough, most of the people there were older folks. Not many younger women or men were shopping. Thursday must have been the day for the younger folks. There must be a thing about waking up to snow and not having a staple in the kitchen. Like it can kill or something.

I have been reading some books about looking terrific over 40. A good idea!!!!! And there are more body types in the books than in the books for younger people. However, I have yet to see a good representation of the folded body type. You know the one; folds of fat front, back, and on the sides. The books all say to nip the garments in to create a waistline. So what do I do with my belly?

Still looking for the easy path to weight loss.

My feet!!!!!!

As an aging woman who loves to have nice things, I have looked with great interest at the style mags and the style websites and the style shows. I wonder how the latest styles can work for me and my generation, thick or thin. There are some truly beautiful styles out there among the outlandish get-ups. There are fabrics that are to die for. There are handbags that are stylish and some that will stand the test of time. There is a huge amount of jewelry, fashion and otherwise, to enhance any woman. Then there are the shoes. I think that is what those hideous stilleto things are called. For some reason the style masters think they can design shoes. I say leave the shoe designs to those who can actually do it.

I have long heard that shoes with a lot going on in the front shorten the look of the leg. So why are there so many shoes out there that try to look like boots. And please someone, tell me why these heavy looking shoes are being worn with beautiful and diaphenous fabrics. I can almost see it. The woman doesn't feel as if she is dressed without name brand footwear. The fact that the shoes don't go with the outfit or with her body or with her destination doesn't mean a thing. Individuality has replaced taste and good looks.

Then there is the OH MY FEET! I am totally unable to wear a 4 inch heel. They are not even comfortable to sit in. I saw that on Fergie the other day and it made her feet and legs look like she had cankles. The 4 inch and above heel is not the only way to look sexy or elegant. As a matter of fact, trying to walk in the high heel is decidedly not elegant without tons of practice. And I won't do it, I just won't!

Slippage

Lately I have found myself allowing age and increasing aches and pains to tell me what I can and cannot do. When reading a magazine article on marriage and relationships, I came across the idea that I wouldn't allow a man to tell me how I can live my life. That is, of course, after 23 years of doing just that.

I have decided that the concept of self-determination should apply to all parts of my life. I am almost 65, have spinal stenosis, am fat, and have a tendency to give up. I have long had a problem with memory and focus. I am allowing age, health, fat, and past behavior to decide how I spend the rest of my life.

I've plowed through magazines and books. I have googled till I'm googled out. I've looked through every nutrition book I can find. And none of these sites has shown me the way to easily fix the above problems. So I am looking now to see what I can do about the next 30 years. Yup, I plan to live at least 30 more years.

Often the diet plans say tell everyone you know that you are on a diet. But every time I tell people that I am dieting, I feel like a worse fool when I fail. So I am forced to attempt to get this TCB plan away from my friends and family. I still need a forum for bitching and for savoring my successes. Guess what!!!!!!!!!! This is a perfect forum. When I accomplish things I will add them to my blog where I can see them for a long time. And if there is a chore that I cannot complete to my satisfaction I can share it with the other bloggers who choose to see my writings. That way I can continue to hold my head high in front of friends and family and hopefully will not be tempted to cease my efforts.

For a long time now I have been doing a great deal of reading. Mostly mysteries that include a job, a hobby, or other genre specific pursuit. I read books by women. I find that the female point of view is preferable. However, I am saddened by some of the books. One such series includes a woman who is not happy about her weight. Every time she is offered any food, this author has her initially refuse and then indulge. She uses food as a way to feel better when she is unhappy, etc. What do think when I read this? I stubbornly see her as a failure and as someone with no self esteem. By the way, did I mention that I'm fat? And of course I didn't get that way by having a huge dose of self esteem and by turning down good food. That means that the tendencies that this character has are things I consider character flaws. I have them all. Time to look into the mirror and see the truth. Damn.

Hale and Hearty

I have spent time looking at several glorious examples of maleness. My daughter asked me to tell her the top ten. Please do not date me by my answers. 1. Sean Connery 2. Mark Harmon 3. David Boreanaz 4. Brody Jenner 5. Brad Pitt 6. Eddie Ciprian 7. David Beckham 8. Hayden Christiansen 9. Jake Gyllenhall 10. David Boreanaz. Mark Harmon, Mark Harmon. Of course I got carried away. But I find my range of enjoyment far exceeds my age range. Isn't it wonderful that we can enjoy Carter Oosterhouse hammering and nailing, Steve McQueen and Paul Newman and Robert Redford just doing what they do, and all this through the magic of television. I am glad I don't need to limit my appreciation by my age.

64

Hello to all of you out there who are getting older. And that is all of you out there. I have discovered that I really need to remind myself more often that there are always ways to spend time besides reading. I had planned to put up signs over the house. However withouat a sign to remind me to put up signs I forgot and wasted several days that I could have been feeling guilty about ignoring the signs. So that is what I will work on today. Signs. I need more sticky notes.

Older, sometimes. Better, always.

There are few good things to say about life sometimes. Stress causes the worst sort of tiredness and depression. I have dealt with the problem of depression for my whole life. For a long time I didn't have any idea what the problem was. I did a whole lot of drinking and acting out. I was a not so good wife and a not so good mother. I was not a loving and kind person. I was a hider. I hid from life. There were sometimes periods that I wanted nothing more than to stay in a bathrobe for weeks.

I have been fortunate to have come to the surface after swimming underwater off and on for years. I know how difficult it can be to slog through mud day after day. I am 64 now and I have discovered that I will always have the problem of wanting to hide. But I have made the choice to acknowledge this problem and not hide from it anymore. I have a problem with lack of focus. I don't know if the problem is the sort that has a medical name. To me, it doesn't matter. I am aware of the problem so I have decided to work with it. So I have to often remind myself of the things I need to work on. The memory and focus problem is not a good excuse for failure.

I've decided on the best way for me to handle the problem of forgetting to do the things I need to do for myself. Lists and reminder notes should help me stay on track. I will put up notes. I have often been afraid of being laughed at by the VSO but I think I am ready to face him and if it works we will both be happier. So notes go up today. Lists begin to appear every morning. My
beautiful and intelligent baby daughter has lists and says they will really help her keep up with things. Since she has 2 babies and still manages to do a good job on keeping up with things, I have to try the list things.

One thing I deem really important is to forgive myself for not living up to my expections. I used to try to live up to the expectations of the others in my life. Gave that up. I discovered it is painful to try to be someone else. But I have laid a guilt trip on myself for not living up to the awful expectations I have for myself. And being a sucker for a reason to not do something, I used those expectations as reasons not to try. The laugh is definitely on me. If you don't do anything, it definitely will end up that nothing is done.

Now is the time to laugh at myself. So for the next few days I am going to try the note and list system and you can visualize me getting up off my far too large ass and moving about with some sort of organization. Or not.