Friday, May 28, 2010

The next generation

My youngest child, her husband, her daughter and son. Wow do I have some great reasons to smile.

I have not done well on changing the direction of my eating and exercising. I know I am a creature of habit. But this is ridiculous.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Getting the most

Is there anyone out there who hasn't made a mistake? Is there anyone who hasn't wished that they could take back the things they did to their families while the kids were growing up? Is there anything that can be done to teach an ?adult? child that their parents are still their parents even if they screwed up? Is there anything that can be done about making judgements about people? Is there anyone out there who can teach those who don't really understand forgiveness?

I've had a really bad day. I am going to be 65 in July and I don't have time for the crap of constantly paying for the mistakes of the past. I don't know if there is a magic button to push or if I am just now getting the heat for things that happened over 20 years ago. NO one wants to hurt their children. NO one wants to cause other people they love pain. One thing I have realized is that I can control how I react to others in order not to inflict pain.

I want to get the most out of the rest of my life. I don't want to sit and cry and be depressed about anything. I don't want to go forward looking backward. But I do want to deal with the past and leave it there. HOW? I thought I had dealt with the problems and then found that one of my children has not. I found that one of my children has no forgiveness to offer. A simmering pot is there. Not boiling. But with an occasional bubble. I don't want to deal with this pot any more. I have done my best to repair what can be repaired. I no longer wish to do patchwork on something which cannot be fixed. No, I won't throw the baby out with the bathwater but I will allow myself to let this one go. And to not ever, ever, ask any questions again. After all, it is impossible to move forward looking back. And it is impossible to live your best life and get the most out of life if you are always looking back and if you base all of today on yesterday.

I love my child.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I have decided

Stress ages you! After a truly disasterous Mother's Day Weekend my stress level is very high. And I am tired all of the way through. And I feel my age plus some. And I am going to spend the day seriously looking for some ways to get past the upset and move on.

I thought I had dropped the need to please others. I was wrong.

I am saddened by the times when the past impedes movement in the present, both in myself and in others.

I used to believe that moving on past an upset was shallow. I felt I had to stay with the problem to a complete conclusion. I was wrong. There is no way to come to a satisfactory conclusion of a problem when I am thinking with no energy.

By the way, I eat to make myself feel better. Especially when emotionally worn out. What a bummer!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

A picture

I was talking to a friend yesterday. We met about 8 years ago and worked together for 6 of those years. And there is a pic of me on the blog holding a baby. This happened during those years. Now there are 3 more grandchildren and that baby recently had her 5th birthday. She is really growing up fast and time is flying. I am so grateful to be around to see it.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Diet, no way

I have decided to not diet any more. I have decided that nothing less than a lifestyle change will do. The eating pattern I was into was raising the triglycerides to amazingly high levels. And my energy was at an amazingly low level.
So I am cutting down on the fat and upping the exercise. Sounds like a lifestyle change to me.