Permission

I have given myself permission to look awful. I found myself asking my honey(quite a bit younger) how he would feel if I ran around in "old lady clothes". He looked at me and said "I'm not going to touch that one." I didn't think so at the time but the clothes I have been wearing are the result of purchasing anything that would cover me at my weight. I have bought some things that were really inexpensive,(cheap), and have been wearing them thinking that if I put on a little bit of equally cheap jewelry I am fashionable for my age.

Now. I am looking at the things I have purchased and worn and I am wondering what was I thinking. I even purchased some things that were not so cheap and were just something to throw on. Ugly. I have looked at the people in the advanced style blog and I really admire their work on style. There are some drawbacks to doing what they are doing. I am not in New York. I don't go out every day. I am a large woman and most of the vintage clothes are smaller and are not really available in my area. I hate stockings. Having been many sizes, I don't have a wardrobe of long standing that I can SHOP in. I have a great eye for color but none for cut and fit. Due to my large size I hate to try on clothes and when I do go shopping I inevitably go to the things I already have, missing anything different.

But there are some things I can do and that I am going to do. It is not yet fall here(91)but as I put away my summer things, I am going to go through them and remove the cheap, the ill-fitting, the ugly, and anything that doesn't make me feel good. For instance, a top I wore Sunday is so inexpensive that after one washing it is looking not so good. Also I will get rid of things like sandals,(I have many pairs, don't wear sandals anymore), items that have gone dingy in the wash, and purses that I think are wonderful but have not carried in a year.(except straw) I love jewelry and have many pieces that are fairly good quality but I have piled it up to the point that seeing one piece isn't easy.

I suppose what I am saying is that the people in the upper age group are people I admire and one thing I can see is that they work at their style. They put effort into pairing the accessories with the outfit. They are always well groomed. They try.

I have decided

Stress ages you! After a truly disasterous Mother's Day Weekend my stress level is very high. And I am tired all of the way through. And I feel my age plus some. And I am going to spend the day seriously looking for some ways to get past the upset and move on.

I thought I had dropped the need to please others. I was wrong.

I am saddened by the times when the past impedes movement in the present, both in myself and in others.

I used to believe that moving on past an upset was shallow. I felt I had to stay with the problem to a complete conclusion. I was wrong. There is no way to come to a satisfactory conclusion of a problem when I am thinking with no energy.

By the way, I eat to make myself feel better. Especially when emotionally worn out. What a bummer!