Sunday, December 12, 2010


Hello, hello, hello! I am approaching the holiday season with some sadness. Sorry but I just had to get that out.

Anyway, as I age I remember past holidays and sometimes it is a bit tough. I used to be the Mom in a family of 5 with Inlaws and my Parents in for the holidays. I would cook and clean and shop and decorate and get all excited about the lovely holiday dinner I would serve. I am an only child and I felt terrifically lucky to have that big a gathering to cook for. Of course I loved to cook for them too. But anyway, that was there and then. Now I have 3 grown children, 2 with husbands and kids, who split their time between their father's home and mine. They don't live nearby.

And they really should be home for Christmas. We went to visit my Ex's parents sometimes but not until after the Santa thing was taken care of. Hard to do when you live 9 hours away.

I see that as one of the bigger problems facing the Retired Folks now. The RF's often live in the area they raised their family in but the children rarely do. Jobs are so hard to get now that often the family must move and move often. The airlines don't make the travel home for the holidays so easy either. And often the working folks don't have enough time off to make trips. So Mom and Dad are alone during the holidays.

I am glad there are free long distance plans for cell phones. I like that I can receive pics on the internet. I am happy to send greetings through the mail and in the form of gifts to my children and grandchildren. But it just isn't the same. I yearn for the days when the kids came down the stairs rubbing their sleepy eyes and all ready to open gifts. I long for the days when I wasn't Santa. I know I need to do something to add the joy back to my holiday spirit. This year my special someone gave me an adorable puppy for a Christmas gift. Yes she is super and fits right in with our other 2 dogs(furchildren). I am too tired from staying up with her to decorate. So I tivo'd a bunch of the Christmas shows that I have loved and am playing and replaying them. It helps. And God bless us everyone.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I got a new puppy

Now I really understand why women my age don't have babies.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

My Picture

I have studiously avoided having my picture taken because I hate being fat. Then I heard about being a role model for the grandkids. So I am rethinking. They see me in person. They will remember me being fat. I think it would be good for them to see me accepting myself as I am.

Friday, November 12, 2010


I recently saw a couple of dickies from the dark ages and I was reminded that sometimes we need to change the look of our clothing. A top that is cut too low can reveal too much, including crepely skin and sagging girls. So instead of a dickie the TV sales shows are hawking inserts to cover the deep V and act as a camisole. There are also camisole bras available. However, I would like to offer an alternative. If you have a pretty scarf, you can place it inside the neckline of a dropping top. Of course this would only include relatively small scarves unless you want to emphasize a large front.

If, however, you have a scarf which is pulled, or otherwise damaged, you could cut it into a deep triangle large enough to stretch between your bra straps in front and with a little left over on the sides. Hem the piece all the way around, either by hand or on a sewing machine. Then pin the scarf under the bra straps and voila there is a dickie. And you made it.

Don'ts from


1. Don't get too skinny (think Nan Kempner, who looks like a "Best dressed" bag of bones) and don't gain too much weight!

2. Don't wear baggy, shapeless clothes.

3. Don't wear ditsy and fussy prints like tiny florals.

4. Don't wear overdone, fussy styles or details (gold buttons, gold trim, etc.). They are terribly aging.

5. Don't think you have to wear skirt suits to look well dressed. Even though they may be "in," some skirt suits can be very aging. Pants are generally much more youthful, so a better choice would be a pantsuit or a pant and coat ensemble.

6. Don't shy away from all black. It looks great, especially when textures are mixed: leather, crocodile, patent, fur, vinyl (this lightens it up a bit and gives it life).

7. Don't expose your upper arms and neck: these are both tricky areas for most women over a certain age.

8. Don't wear your skirts too short.

9. Don't overdo the grooming. Helmet hair, and too much color -- red nails, red lips, eye shadow and blush (especially when used together) -- are terribly aging.

10. Don't think you have to cut your hair: a chic ponytail always looks smart and youthful.

11. Don't wear fussy, frilly evening attire. Go for tailored instead!

12. Don't wear shawls (too granny) or capes.

13. Don't overdo the glitz! Despite the fact that maximalism is in right now, you don't want to look like a Christmas tree.

In short you will find that many of the rules of dressing your age are common sense and have a lot to do with wearing things that are attractive on.

Oh the pain

Well, if I needed more info I have it now. The Doctors told me I have Spinal Stenosis. That was some time ago and I never thought much more about it. But now I have discovered that the weight I gained back has become pain in my joints and back. Back to the plan. I had gone hog wild with sweets and food in general. I now know that eating the way I was before the diet started has put me into more pain now than I had then. Age I guess. So I am going back to low fat, high protein, complex carbs. It is the easiest way for me.

I have been reading that a man restricted his calorie count to 1800 a day but ate only twinkies and such. He lost a lot of weight. And his cholesterol dropped. Apparently the calories have more to do with the weight loss than previously thought. I am happy to hear that except I don't have a feeling of energy when I eat sweets. So for me it is interesting but not a problem. I need protein to have any sort of energy. That is what I'll have.

I never said not growing old was easy.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Winter coming

I am looking forward to winter this year. I have been going through my closet and I have lost enough weight to get into many of the winter things I already had. Bring on the snow!!!!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


I have given myself permission to look awful. I found myself asking my honey(quite a bit younger) how he would feel if I ran around in "old lady clothes". He looked at me and said "I'm not going to touch that one." I didn't think so at the time but the clothes I have been wearing are the result of purchasing anything that would cover me at my weight. I have bought some things that were really inexpensive,(cheap), and have been wearing them thinking that if I put on a little bit of equally cheap jewelry I am fashionable for my age.

Now. I am looking at the things I have purchased and worn and I am wondering what was I thinking. I even purchased some things that were not so cheap and were just something to throw on. Ugly. I have looked at the people in the advanced style blog and I really admire their work on style. There are some drawbacks to doing what they are doing. I am not in New York. I don't go out every day. I am a large woman and most of the vintage clothes are smaller and are not really available in my area. I hate stockings. Having been many sizes, I don't have a wardrobe of long standing that I can SHOP in. I have a great eye for color but none for cut and fit. Due to my large size I hate to try on clothes and when I do go shopping I inevitably go to the things I already have, missing anything different.

But there are some things I can do and that I am going to do. It is not yet fall here(91)but as I put away my summer things, I am going to go through them and remove the cheap, the ill-fitting, the ugly, and anything that doesn't make me feel good. For instance, a top I wore Sunday is so inexpensive that after one washing it is looking not so good. Also I will get rid of things like sandals,(I have many pairs, don't wear sandals anymore), items that have gone dingy in the wash, and purses that I think are wonderful but have not carried in a year.(except straw) I love jewelry and have many pieces that are fairly good quality but I have piled it up to the point that seeing one piece isn't easy.

I suppose what I am saying is that the people in the upper age group are people I admire and one thing I can see is that they work at their style. They put effort into pairing the accessories with the outfit. They are always well groomed. They try.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I found it

For several years now I have been wearing clothes because they are big enough to get into. I have begun to lose a small amount of weight and I daydream about being thin and gorgeous. And looking 25. Yeah right!

My mom was a garage sale fanatic. But she was not interested in vintage, high dollar fashion. No, my mom wanted 5 cent t shirts and shorts. And stains didn't matter much. Just as long as they fit her ok she was happy with her bargain. However when she needed to she was able to pull out some presentable clothes from the closet that had never been culled--- ever.

We often have no other role models available to us than our own parents. It was that way for me. I live in a very conservative part of the country and fashion, unless you are wealthy, is for those in magazines. Well, that bothers me. I don't mean to say that I want to follow every fashion trend that comes down the pike. The youngsters are already taking care of that for me. But I do, now that I'm retired and have time, want to put some thought and effort into carving out a style or styles that interest and express me. I am a grandmother 4 times over. Sorry, but I don't want to wear what my grandmother wore.

I am pleased to announce to any who don't know that there is a wonderful blog on this blogging site called Advanced Style. I spent 2 hours today devouring the pics and write ups in this blog and I have finally seen the light. I may not live in New York, or Milan, or Paris. But I am an artist and there is no reason I should not use that to add interesting things to my totally boring wardrobe.

How will I do that? I copied the pic of things I liked and put then in a folder on my computer and I can access it when I need help. But basically, I have been hesitant to wear things which might get me noticed in any way. And yet when I am out at a store and see a lady who has put a lot of thought and work into her appearance I am impressed. I don't see it as being self-centered but as being self-confident and self-assured. And don't we all deserve to feel that way? I will also keep reading the wonderful blog as I have for the last couple of months and now be more aware of it as not just eye candy but as a wonderful suggestion in ways to better my life.

What fun the path could turn out to be!

Saturday, August 28, 2010


I have discovered some truly interesting things in the last 3 months. I turned 65 in July. I expected it to be awful and I will admit that it wasn't much different from the day before and the day after. However, being 65 isn't the bummer I used to think it would be. That's probably because I was pretty happy being 64.

I have found that I don't have a clue about how to dress 65 so I'm still doing it like 64.

I have found that the money needed for "stuff" has declined in the last few years which I take to mean that I don't crave things as much. What a relief!

I have found that my worry over what other people think of me has declined also. I don't know what to think about that except that I was my own worst critic anyway so maybe my inner voices are quieter too.

I have found that no matter how old I get, I still want to be skinny. Not slender, skinny.

I have found that I am not good at making my self diet. I hate it. I get mad when I can't have something I want to eat. I seem to lose track of the fact that worrying about a diet seems to keep me focused on food.

I have found that when someone has a passion for some part of life, the rest of life seems better too.

I find myself not worrying about the future(I can't do much about it), money(it's either enough or it's not), and deadlines. Deadline is an amazing word anyway. I guess it means you're dead if you get out of line.

I find myself telling myself to think less and do more.

So I will try to do that.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Some People

Some people grow older gracefully. Some don't. We fail to do the right things to take care of ourselves in our youth and expect surgery or medical intervention to fix everything. Obviously it doesn't work. Maybe if we would just work at being a better who we already are, things would end up better.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Stress and diet

Saboteur 1: Your stress

Stress can spike levels of the hormone cortisol, which tells your body to store fat. "Unfortunately, some people appease their anxiety by reaching for fatty foods," says Elissa Epel, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco. Eating boosts insulin levels; combining that with cortisol leads to greater fat deposits. More stress, bigger belly.

Fix your head: Identify the type of stress you're under. Is it temporary, like a bar exam, or more permanent, like your job? Short-term stress will pass. Long-term stress may require a permanent solution, like a new job.

Fix your routine: Make healthy eating effortless. Buy snacks that won't send insulin levels soaring: high-fiber energy bars or single-serving bags of almonds or cashews. Fifteen minutes of explosive activity—hitting a speed bag or jumping rope—can alleviate anxieties after work. "It's about getting the tension out,"

I found this on an MSN site. I don't think of myself as having a lot of stress. But the weight I put on happened while I was in a stressful job. Bless you and good luck dealing with stress.


I am actually having fun at 65. I feel freer than I ever have. I actually feel younger. If someone doesn't like what I do at 65 they can go jump.

Today I went to the library. I have been trying to lose weight. (forever) And I was following a low fat diet. The wonder of the low fat diet is that carbs are OK. But for me carbs are not so ok. Every time I would have a meal with a lot of carbs the next thing I had was a nap.

Now on to the high protein diet. Fun huh?

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I would

I am so sorry that I forgot the artists name for this piece but now that I am 65 this is just one of the many larger pieces I would wear and look terrific. As a matter of fact, I have decided that the juvenile fashion mags have some cute things that I like to look at but I pick and choose. Some things seem to be made for all ages. I take advantage of that.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I love it

Check out There is a blog by and about a woman of some years who lives life beautifully and fully. How very wonderful.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

There used to be

I loved the song California Dreamin. I could fantasize about being at the love-ins in San Francisco. I could just see long flowing hair and lithe bodies dancing with flowers in their hair.

And I used to dream about being gorgeous and well put together with money and great taste. Again, I would be beautiful like Angelina and have a lithe strong body that looked great in clothes.

Now I dream of seeing the grandkids, of making it upstairs with some of my breath left, of having a strong heart that just keeps going like the energizer bunny. And I look like the above photo.

Dreams are just that. Dreams. In order for them to come true it takes work. Go figure.

Monday, June 14, 2010

My foot

In an attempt to not put my foot into my mouth, I am going to state without reservation that not a single pair of this sort of shoe will ever enter my house. This is a promise. I think the crocs are probably comfortable and inexpensive but to me they are gardening shoes. The tennies are for 12 and under in my opinion. And my grandmother had the other shoes--- and wore them.

Friday, May 28, 2010

The next generation

My youngest child, her husband, her daughter and son. Wow do I have some great reasons to smile.

I have not done well on changing the direction of my eating and exercising. I know I am a creature of habit. But this is ridiculous.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Getting the most

Is there anyone out there who hasn't made a mistake? Is there anyone who hasn't wished that they could take back the things they did to their families while the kids were growing up? Is there anything that can be done to teach an ?adult? child that their parents are still their parents even if they screwed up? Is there anything that can be done about making judgements about people? Is there anyone out there who can teach those who don't really understand forgiveness?

I've had a really bad day. I am going to be 65 in July and I don't have time for the crap of constantly paying for the mistakes of the past. I don't know if there is a magic button to push or if I am just now getting the heat for things that happened over 20 years ago. NO one wants to hurt their children. NO one wants to cause other people they love pain. One thing I have realized is that I can control how I react to others in order not to inflict pain.

I want to get the most out of the rest of my life. I don't want to sit and cry and be depressed about anything. I don't want to go forward looking backward. But I do want to deal with the past and leave it there. HOW? I thought I had dealt with the problems and then found that one of my children has not. I found that one of my children has no forgiveness to offer. A simmering pot is there. Not boiling. But with an occasional bubble. I don't want to deal with this pot any more. I have done my best to repair what can be repaired. I no longer wish to do patchwork on something which cannot be fixed. No, I won't throw the baby out with the bathwater but I will allow myself to let this one go. And to not ever, ever, ask any questions again. After all, it is impossible to move forward looking back. And it is impossible to live your best life and get the most out of life if you are always looking back and if you base all of today on yesterday.

I love my child.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I have decided

Stress ages you! After a truly disasterous Mother's Day Weekend my stress level is very high. And I am tired all of the way through. And I feel my age plus some. And I am going to spend the day seriously looking for some ways to get past the upset and move on.

I thought I had dropped the need to please others. I was wrong.

I am saddened by the times when the past impedes movement in the present, both in myself and in others.

I used to believe that moving on past an upset was shallow. I felt I had to stay with the problem to a complete conclusion. I was wrong. There is no way to come to a satisfactory conclusion of a problem when I am thinking with no energy.

By the way, I eat to make myself feel better. Especially when emotionally worn out. What a bummer!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

A picture

I was talking to a friend yesterday. We met about 8 years ago and worked together for 6 of those years. And there is a pic of me on the blog holding a baby. This happened during those years. Now there are 3 more grandchildren and that baby recently had her 5th birthday. She is really growing up fast and time is flying. I am so grateful to be around to see it.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Diet, no way

I have decided to not diet any more. I have decided that nothing less than a lifestyle change will do. The eating pattern I was into was raising the triglycerides to amazingly high levels. And my energy was at an amazingly low level.
So I am cutting down on the fat and upping the exercise. Sounds like a lifestyle change to me.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Love is where you find it

I love Spring. I love 60's and 70's music. I love trees. I love lakes, oceans, wind, dogs, cats, eating fish, colorful flowers, floral scents, green plants, mountains, streams, blue skies, the sounds of the ocean, learning, reading, making things, my children and grandchildren, my wonderful partner, big strong trucks, the 1961 E Jaguar convertible, the Volks bug convertible, finding a bargain, lots and lots of jewelry, handbags, shoes, good health, a beautiful smile(like Brian's), Forsythia, a ride in the country, going out to eat, having a good hair day, having a good day in general, my friends, and color, lots of color. I love being almost 65 years old. After all I am still alive to say it. I love being a mother. I love having lost 14 pounds. I love rain, in almost all forms. I love storms.

I love having a long list of things to enjoy in my life.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The diet

I am bombarded with diet info and ads touting a new, secret way to a flat belly, quick weight loss, getting into a size 2, etc. If I eat food that comes by delivery (no, not pizza) I can lose weight quickly and easily. If I just eat a bar, I'll be so full I can't eat much. If my total gym, works, I can look like a famous model.

Alas, I don't like exercise even to look like a model, (like that could really happen). I can't afford losing 20 lbs for $20 plus the cost of food. By the way the food is super expensive; I tried it. If there were a really good, easy way to get a flat belly someone would patent it and make millions.

The exercise equipment offered is unbelievable. There is one where you kneel on a machine and swing your butt around. There is one where you hold a limber stick and move it up and down. There is the rubber band machine, the walking machine, the climbing machine and I understand there is a push to bring back the vibrating machine. (Supposedly it breaks up fat.) And there is a machine you wear that stimulates muscle contractions. Now that looks great till I look at the 6 inches of belly fat that are laying over the small stomach muscles that I have. That would take a ton of electricity.

There are rubber bands, tubes, rubber balls, steps, weights, pulleys, straps, medicine balls, DVD's, etc. There is the Firm, Pilates, free weights, dance, and many more of the types of exercise programs.

The latest info from health and exercise magazines says that 50% of adults in the USA are obese. Many are morbidly obese. Billions are spent on clubs, and more on equipment. And half of us are obese.

I WENT ON A DIET 3 WEEKS AGO AND I HAVE LOST 8 POUNDS. And I don't own any of the things I have talked about. I cut out fast food and cut way down on fats. Ha!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Lots on the plate lately

I have been inducted into the group of folks who have spent time applying to the Social Security Administration for benefits. I found it interesting that they actually seemed fairly well organized and that they knew what they were doing. Anyway I had been told to apply on my former husband's number since I had been a stay at home mom and had a very spotty work record. I found I could apply before age 65 as long as he is 65. And I had to have been married to him for 10 years. I had that beat by 13 years. His wages were much higher than I have ever made and I will receive more benefits by using his earnings. At last I receive something from that union. At last.

Also I have been in the dentist office a lot lately. It seems teeth don't always age well even if you brush regularly. I am going to get a cantilever bridge made for my back tooth that was pulled. I thought cantilevers were only done on houses. OK I learned something.

My daughter and I are both doing the trying to lose weight thing. She is in Jacksonville and I am in Knoxville. So the phone is really going to get a workout. But I find myself much more dedicated to the diet because I will have someone to talk to about it and to answer to. I am such a nonstarter. Wish us luck!!!

Friday, March 12, 2010


This weekend we set the clocks forward by one hour. I am not losing sleep over it however. I am losing sleep over the coming shorts season. There are not many things that could get me outside to tan but hiding fat is one of them. I have heard that dark colors are slimming. So I figure that the darker I get the thinner I will look. Do you believe that? I thought not.

The doctor will be proud of me. I have not gained any more on the triglicerides scale. Sunday I will weigh on the bathroom scale. I am working with my daughter to lose some weight. I really need to do it even though the thought of dieting is totally abhorrent to me. I will not publish my weight but starting Sunday I will use this blog as a way to blow off steam, share trials, and recipes. And I'll not lie to the super folks who tune in. Damn, I wish I could get out of this. I am one of the folks that can focus for 2 minutes and then I chase butterflies. This will be a real challenge.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

This old body

When the doctor checked my cholesterol the other day the nurse called and said the triglicerides were way out of whack. It is such a bummer to say goodbye to bacon and mayo and margerine/butter. And when I went on the internet to find out what is best to eat for the problem, the majority of sites want to sell me something and not tell me much. So I came to the only solution I could. I bought a Wii.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

signing off

I have enjoyed having this blog but it is time to let it go and go onto other things. Bye

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Yesterday I was able to accomplish many things that needed to be done in the house. I get tired, I sit. Pain comes, I sit. However in a couple of minutes, I get up and go on about my business. This is the answer to the problems of being a lousy housekeeper. Before, when tiredness or pain came, I sat. I didn't get up. Now I do.
I find that looking around the house and seeing things that need to be done does not allow the restful sitting that I used to do. Now, with my increasing age and blurring vision, the things that bother me about the house are bothering me more and more. I wonder if I finally figured out that they wouldn't go away if I just sat.

We had some snow and lots of ice, sleet and rain. This began Friday afternoon. It was talked about all week. Well, I usually go to the grocery store sometime on Wednesday and get the week's stuff. That was what I did last Wednesday and this time it was a madhouse. I could hardly get through the store. Lots of things were sparse or completely gone. And amazingly enough, most of the people there were older folks. Not many younger women or men were shopping. Thursday must have been the day for the younger folks. There must be a thing about waking up to snow and not having a staple in the kitchen. Like it can kill or something.

I have been reading some books about looking terrific over 40. A good idea!!!!! And there are more body types in the books than in the books for younger people. However, I have yet to see a good representation of the folded body type. You know the one; folds of fat front, back, and on the sides. The books all say to nip the garments in to create a waistline. So what do I do with my belly?

Still looking for the easy path to weight loss.

Monday, January 25, 2010

My feet!!!!!!

As an aging woman who loves to have nice things, I have looked with great interest at the style mags and the style websites and the style shows. I wonder how the latest styles can work for me and my generation, thick or thin. There are some truly beautiful styles out there among the outlandish get-ups. There are fabrics that are to die for. There are handbags that are stylish and some that will stand the test of time. There is a huge amount of jewelry, fashion and otherwise, to enhance any woman. Then there are the shoes. I think that is what those hideous stilleto things are called. For some reason the style masters think they can design shoes. I say leave the shoe designs to those who can actually do it.

I have long heard that shoes with a lot going on in the front shorten the look of the leg. So why are there so many shoes out there that try to look like boots. And please someone, tell me why these heavy looking shoes are being worn with beautiful and diaphenous fabrics. I can almost see it. The woman doesn't feel as if she is dressed without name brand footwear. The fact that the shoes don't go with the outfit or with her body or with her destination doesn't mean a thing. Individuality has replaced taste and good looks.

Then there is the OH MY FEET! I am totally unable to wear a 4 inch heel. They are not even comfortable to sit in. I saw that on Fergie the other day and it made her feet and legs look like she had cankles. The 4 inch and above heel is not the only way to look sexy or elegant. As a matter of fact, trying to walk in the high heel is decidedly not elegant without tons of practice. And I won't do it, I just won't!

Thursday, January 21, 2010


Lately I have found myself allowing age and increasing aches and pains to tell me what I can and cannot do. When reading a magazine article on marriage and relationships, I came across the idea that I wouldn't allow a man to tell me how I can live my life. That is, of course, after 23 years of doing just that.

I have decided that the concept of self-determination should apply to all parts of my life. I am almost 65, have spinal stenosis, am fat, and have a tendency to give up. I have long had a problem with memory and focus. I am allowing age, health, fat, and past behavior to decide how I spend the rest of my life.

I've plowed through magazines and books. I have googled till I'm googled out. I've looked through every nutrition book I can find. And none of these sites has shown me the way to easily fix the above problems. So I am looking now to see what I can do about the next 30 years. Yup, I plan to live at least 30 more years.

Often the diet plans say tell everyone you know that you are on a diet. But every time I tell people that I am dieting, I feel like a worse fool when I fail. So I am forced to attempt to get this TCB plan away from my friends and family. I still need a forum for bitching and for savoring my successes. Guess what!!!!!!!!!! This is a perfect forum. When I accomplish things I will add them to my blog where I can see them for a long time. And if there is a chore that I cannot complete to my satisfaction I can share it with the other bloggers who choose to see my writings. That way I can continue to hold my head high in front of friends and family and hopefully will not be tempted to cease my efforts.

For a long time now I have been doing a great deal of reading. Mostly mysteries that include a job, a hobby, or other genre specific pursuit. I read books by women. I find that the female point of view is preferable. However, I am saddened by some of the books. One such series includes a woman who is not happy about her weight. Every time she is offered any food, this author has her initially refuse and then indulge. She uses food as a way to feel better when she is unhappy, etc. What do think when I read this? I stubbornly see her as a failure and as someone with no self esteem. By the way, did I mention that I'm fat? And of course I didn't get that way by having a huge dose of self esteem and by turning down good food. That means that the tendencies that this character has are things I consider character flaws. I have them all. Time to look into the mirror and see the truth. Damn.