Monday, January 31, 2011


I’m keen, you’re keen, we’re all keen on quinoa!" People with high cholesterol will be singing this tune once they realize the benefits of quinoa (pronounced "KEEN-wah"), a South American seed that serves as a tasty and healthful stand-in for rice or couscous. One cup of cooked quinoa has 15 percent less carbohydrates and 60 percent more protein than a comparable amount of brown rice; it also has 25 percent more fiber, which can help lower blood cholesterol.
I am one of many people who have a lot of medications to take. I am also one of many whose perscriptions are not fully covered(donut hole on Medicare). I've cut down on the amount of cholesterol meds I am taking and am actively seeking other and less costly means to lower cholesterol. I'm also taking a niacin that says no flush and so far so good. Anyway, so far so good. I haven't been back to see my cute doc and break the news to him. i'm not looking forward to the news he will have for me.

I've been reading about the benefits of meditation for lowering blood pressure. I think it is a great idea. I also understand that some people can thoroughly relax and shut down the mental factory. But I'm having a heck of a time doing it. It seems that I can't quite focus on one thing long enough to overcome the need to focus. I'll start saying a mantra, then decide I don't like that one and sit there for the perscribed time while trying to think of a better word to use. Not so relaxing.

And I get bored. And I have an extremely low tolerance for boredom.

I play Mah Jongg. It helps.

Ideas? I'm open-----

Thursday, January 20, 2011


I was not a small person. I have never been a small person. But there was a time a long, long time ago when I did have a decent figure. Now I have the rough equivalent of 2 people living inside this body.

I was a person who was terribly inhibited by a fear of failure. It is amazing what messages a person carries around with them. From childhood right through my marriage I heard messages that said, "not good enough, will never be good enough". As I said, that is what I heard. It may not have been exactly what was said, but it was what I heard. And coming from my mother and husband, I found it easy to believe them. So not trying to better myself was my response. Not once did I look at what I was doing and say, I can do better-for me. For making myself feel better, look better, have a prettier surrounding, have a more pleasant and gracious manner, etc. I bought into the messages that I heard. In my head.

The posted pics are the last ones of me at the lake in a bathing suit. About 6 or 7 years ago. Since I have eaten myself into true fatness, sat on my butt, and allowed myself to become a couch potato that wouldn't interest me if I were meeting myself for the first time. I use the back problem to excuse apathy. And I do find it hard to become passionate about anything. Notice that posting is not always quick.

So here I am, 65, fat, out of shape, out of passion, and damned mad about it because it is really all my fault. Today I will walk more than usual. Today I will shove aside the things I mentally let hold me back. Tomorrow, I don't know. Today I do.

Friday, January 14, 2011

How to do it.

I find that I am more than ever concerned about fashion. Of course that may be partly because I am more than ever not happy about my body. I am definitely in the morbidly obese range and I am facing a Catch-22 conundrum. I feel bad about the way my body looks without clothing. And I am not pleased with the way it looks with clothing. I feel really depressed when I see the pics of myself. I remind myself that this is what others are seeing when they look at me.

So I want to try to make some changes in those two things. But I said I feel bad, remember? And I feel depresses, remember? Depression is one of the biggest parts of feeling tired all the time for me, and maybe for you. I am on an antidepressant. I am also on thyroid meds and other things. Some may cause the weight to stick like glue. But I am also so in love with the sofa that I don't want to get off of it. Not that it is so comfortable, but the overcoming of inertia is really difficult. I am looking at this problem from the perspective of age now.

Fashion-Age These are two things that I don't put together. But I have discovered that Age does go along very well with style. And since I am not good at style I am using a method to help myself along.

1. I cleaned out the stuff in my closet that doesn't fit well, doesn't feel good, is shabby, is worn out, or I just don't like.

2. I am left with a lot of things that make me feel fat but at least they are presentable. And as time goes by I may figure out what to do with them.

3. I have looked at lots of fashion mags(I love them). And I have lamented that the models are toothpicks. For real. But I finally figured out how to use some of the things I find in there. I just take a pic of something I think is pretty, tear it out of the mag. I post it on a clipboard in my closet. And I start looking for things I have that might help make a copy of the look. Of course, I can't let my expectations get too high.

4. I have discovered that there are some looks that I like a lot which will require a change in my body. I am hoping that will be easier now that I have set goals.

5. I have also discovered that while some of the young things whose blogs I follow can go out and purchase stuff at full price when they want to, I simply can't. I also follow some blogs of girls who are thrifters and that is the way I shall have to go. I love vintage but there must have been no heavy women in the 40's. Of course, since I can sew, I plan to make a couple of vintagy pieces.

So far, this is where I am. Suggestions are very welcome.

Friday, January 7, 2011

I am writing

I am writing more about my attempts at fashion in another blog. Fashion seems to be different from style. And the blog is somewhat about my age. But my age is always a shock to me.

Until I get up from the sofa and try to do something.

I once heard an actor who was asked if it feels different being 40 say "It hurts".

I thought at the time, yeah right. If I were doing crazy stunts and growing wrinkles for the world to see it would hurt me too. However, not hurting at 40 was just postponing the time when it would hurt. There is a rather sad ad on TV about living with RA. It asks the question;"Are you existing or are you living?" That question can have all sorts of other connotations. I have to ask that question about spinal stenosis, torn minuscus, fat, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, being totally out of shape, allergies, and other pains in the _________.(you fill in blank)

And I have come to some surprising conclusions. I am allowing the physical problems to end my living and to put me on the just existing list. All of my life I have prided myself on being an intelligent, pragmatic person. I read and hear that moving around and becoming involved in something is the best way to promote good health and a general good attitude. This, in turn, promotes improvement in the things I have listed. So why, with the intelligence I think I have, have I not been doing those things that would make my life better? I am working on an answer to that. In the meantime, I have made some new resolutions. You notice I didn't say New Year's resolutions. That is because if I associate something with the new year, after Feb I might say to myself;"Not New Years anymore. I'm done" I am so terrific at letting myself off the hook. So If amyone has suggestions for overcoming apathy, I would love to hear them.