This is me, soon

I went to the doc yesterday and started the process of getting my knee cut on. I have a torn meniscus. Left knee. At least I think that's what it is. Anyway, next Tuesday I get an MRI. The next Tuesday I go back to the doc to find about the plan, whatever that is going to be. And after the surgery, I'll have a couple of days on the sofa with ice on the knee and probably some adequate meds to keep me from being too mean. I had the other knee done 3 years ago. It isn't life threatening but it certainly is a bother.

Then there is the puppy. Cheyenne is about 40 pounds of rompin stompin energy now. Keeping up with her needs will be interesting. But at least I'm not doing this in the middle of the summer.

I talked to the doc about rehabbing the knee. We have decided that since I have a membership(largely unused)to a health club, I can proceed with my plan to walk the pool. It's 5 feet deep and the deepest and I'm tall enough to make it. I think it's a good way to do some aerobic exercise without putting a lot of stress on my joints. I am not a joiner so going to a class is not something I want to do until I know more about it.

I'm still working on my plan to lose some weight. I now have some help and there is now another problem. I am compulsive. Not just with my eating but with buying stuff off the internet. I shopped some when I was younger. I enjoyed it. But after having the back problem crop up, and then the knee, I don't go out much. But you could spend a year's salary on the internet and never break a sweat. Drink a cup of coffee and spend a couple of thousand dollars on stuff I don't need. I haven't done that yet. No, I'm doing it gradually. A book here, a pair of shoes there. You'd think I had money. But I guess I would if I didn't spend it so quickly. So that is another compulsion to work on.

I'll be back with news soon.

Not graceful, but trying

When I was in college I got an A in weight training. At the time it meant lifting weights. Not training my pounds. Anyway I got an A. Now that I am 65 there are so many options for exercise available that the only thing I am sure of is that I might do well at weight training. The aerobic versus the anaerobic is a discussion of many people as well as many years. Both seem to do good things and have many advocates. So what to do? I went to aarp for an answer.


| For older women, the type of exercise you do may be more important than how often you do it.

That's the message of a surprising new study by Canadian researchers that found that women who started a once-a-week strength-training program were more likely to stick with it — and reap the physical and mental benefits — than those who started a twice-a-week program.


— Charriau Pierre/Getty Images
More importantly, older women who built muscle strength through biceps curls, leg lifts, squats and the like showed much greater improvement in mental focus and ability to make decisions and resolve conflicts than women who did only balance and toning exercises.

Published this month in the Archives of Internal Medicine, the study is a one-year follow-up of 155 women ages 65 to 75 who participated in an earlier strength-training exercise program in 2007-2008.

I want to lose weight. I want to be smart. I want to be healthy. I think I can do once a week. And I have a membership to a gym(which I don't currently use). For now I have an answer.

But, I know that there are things to do at home to enhance strength and stamina. And I plan on researching and sharing them. I am working with spinal stenosis and a torn miniscus in the left knee. And my right hip talks to me sometimes.(I don't answer) I well attempt to come up with some well rounded exercises for the well rounded like me. And some things to do to maybe make walking fun. And I'll share what I've learned and also include some pics. I am willing at this point to do anything to change my health and looks. I started to monitor my fashions and I have had great fun with that. I have also learned to consider options I had previously ignored without spending any more money. One of the best things for me has been to take pics of myself and post them. I can no longer pretend when looking at the pics that I am not fat.

So this blog will document struggles with weight, aging, injuries, and self knowledge. I hope it will help me and you too.

Was

I was not a small person. I have never been a small person. But there was a time a long, long time ago when I did have a decent figure. Now I have the rough equivalent of 2 people living inside this body.

I was a person who was terribly inhibited by a fear of failure. It is amazing what messages a person carries around with them. From childhood right through my marriage I heard messages that said, "not good enough, will never be good enough". As I said, that is what I heard. It may not have been exactly what was said, but it was what I heard. And coming from my mother and husband, I found it easy to believe them. So not trying to better myself was my response. Not once did I look at what I was doing and say, I can do better-for me. For making myself feel better, look better, have a prettier surrounding, have a more pleasant and gracious manner, etc. I bought into the messages that I heard. In my head.

The posted pics are the last ones of me at the lake in a bathing suit. About 6 or 7 years ago. Since I have eaten myself into true fatness, sat on my butt, and allowed myself to become a couch potato that wouldn't interest me if I were meeting myself for the first time. I use the back problem to excuse apathy. And I do find it hard to become passionate about anything. Notice that posting is not always quick.

So here I am, 65, fat, out of shape, out of passion, and damned mad about it because it is really all my fault. Today I will walk more than usual. Today I will shove aside the things I mentally let hold me back. Tomorrow, I don't know. Today I do.

My Picture

I have studiously avoided having my picture taken because I hate being fat. Then I heard about being a role model for the grandkids. So I am rethinking. They see me in person. They will remember me being fat. I think it would be good for them to see me accepting myself as I am.

Winter coming

I am looking forward to winter this year. I have been going through my closet and I have lost enough weight to get into many of the winter things I already had. Bring on the snow!!!!!