How do you know?

I have been reading about aging on some of the internet sites. These sites mostly involve illness and whether or not you have it. Here is one I thought was interesting.
How Do I Know If It's Depression?
Someone who is depressed has feelings of sadness or anxiety that last for weeks at a time. He or she may also experience–

•Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
•Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness
•Irritability, restlessness
•Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable
•Fatigue and decreased energy
•Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions
•Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
•Overeating or appetite loss
•Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
•Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not get better, even with treatment
This is from the centers for disease control. And I have thoughts about the individual questions.
1.Feelings of hopelessness,etc.---Yep, I've been there. After all, I was married for about 22 years, I've been fat for many years, I have spinal stenosis and a torn meniscus, and I'm 65. Arriving at this point in my life without feelings of hopelessness would be a miracle. I have lost all of my family except the kids who went and moved away and there is no hope they will be back living here. But amazingly enough, I can't say I am pessimistic. I have been way down down in my life and it always gotten better.
2.I am guilty, worthless, and helpless. Just ask my mom(deceased but still around in my mind) and my ex.
3.Irritability, restlessness. I am a woman, hormones and all. And we have had the hottest summer and the coldest winter in years. Can anyone say cabin fever?
4.Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable. I definitely fit here. But I wonder if the huge mess in my hobbie room which must be cleaned up has anything to do with it.
5.Fatigue and decreased energy. I am 65, 100 pounds overweight with a bad knee and back, Nuff said.
6.Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions. Yes, No, Yes
Sometimes I have difficulty concentrating, especially when moving from one task to another. I always remember details if I remember anything at all. I still haven't chosen the paint colors for the den.
7.Insomnia, early morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping. No problem with insomnia. Early morning wakefulness is something I'll have to take up with the puppy. And excessive sleeping- not with my bladder.
8.Overeating or appetite loss. I got the first one. Had it for years. Would rather have been plagued with the second.
9.Persistent thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts. Nope and nope. I have, however thought of killing people I don't like, but I couldn't do it.
10.Persistent aches, pains, headaches, etc. I am 65. I have back problems, a puppy, and a significant other. That should explain everything.

I have had problems with depression. If I start wanting to cry for no reason and it doesn't go away or improve I may take meds. I have taken meds for depression for years. I went through therapy with a truly loving and brilliant person. Some of the messages that had me down early in life are still with me. But I have learned to deal. I actually am off the meds right now and I notice no difference.

I've put a lot of thought into what might make me prone to depression. And I decided that I am not so much prone to depression as I am not able to tolerate intense psychological pain. Physical pain I can handle no sweat but the emotional stuff kills. So Now I am going to work on that and see where it gets me.

I am writing

I am writing more about my attempts at fashion in another blog. Fashion seems to be different from style. And the blog is somewhat about my age. But my age is always a shock to me.

Until I get up from the sofa and try to do something.

I once heard an actor who was asked if it feels different being 40 say "It hurts".

I thought at the time, yeah right. If I were doing crazy stunts and growing wrinkles for the world to see it would hurt me too. However, not hurting at 40 was just postponing the time when it would hurt. There is a rather sad ad on TV about living with RA. It asks the question;"Are you existing or are you living?" That question can have all sorts of other connotations. I have to ask that question about spinal stenosis, torn minuscus, fat, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, being totally out of shape, allergies, and other pains in the _________.(you fill in blank)

And I have come to some surprising conclusions. I am allowing the physical problems to end my living and to put me on the just existing list. All of my life I have prided myself on being an intelligent, pragmatic person. I read and hear that moving around and becoming involved in something is the best way to promote good health and a general good attitude. This, in turn, promotes improvement in the things I have listed. So why, with the intelligence I think I have, have I not been doing those things that would make my life better? I am working on an answer to that. In the meantime, I have made some new resolutions. You notice I didn't say New Year's resolutions. That is because if I associate something with the new year, after Feb I might say to myself;"Not New Years anymore. I'm done" I am so terrific at letting myself off the hook. So If amyone has suggestions for overcoming apathy, I would love to hear them.