Oh the joys

There are times when I think I'm all together. I've discovered the crutches I can use to get by. I've grown up in the ways I can. I've refused to grow up in other ways. I saw a saying that ways getting old is not for sissies. Well guess what! I'm not a sissy. However, I'm a procrastinator in a major way. And I've found that isn't working for me any more. I'm getting old. I thought it was a dirty word. It's not.

I don't fear death any more. When I had my almost 14 year old standard poodle(best friend) put to sleep I saw life cease. End. Stop. And I was devastated. But she had stopped doing anything but sleeping. She lost half her body weight and didn't eat. It's really hard to decided to end another life but I had to do it. In the meantime my life has become more painful and I refer to physical pain. I have diabetes, a bad back and bad knees. I have diabetic neuropathy. I have a lot of fat and I'm tired all the time. That is enough to make me ease off on the fear of the end. But I have a wonderful man who adores me, a dog that thinks I am wonderful, another dog who licks me and loves me, 3 children, 4 grandchildren, and 2 inlaws, and some friends who make me feel needed and wanted.

I also have a sense of humor. And an interest in learning and creating. And a need to caretake and to love others. So I'm still in the plus column in a big way. I also have learned a lot. I try to use the things I've learned and to share when asked. I try to live in a way that is kind to all living things(except ants)  and to care for the planet. In short, there are a lot of things left to do. And a lot of giggles to be had.

I've been collecting funny things and I send them to my kids. And I reread them often. Laughter is a fabulous thing. So cleansing.

So there are drawbacks to growing old. But Oh the joys.

It grows on me

Today I'm fighting off vertigo. I've had it on and off for about a week and the worst seems to have passed but I still swim sometimes and I don't know when I get up if I'll walk straight or not. I have allergies and it seems as if the weather is trying to kill me. One of my allergy problems is dampness. The weather has put us about 13 inches of rain ahead of schedule this year and my ears are stopped up sometimes and they just aren't good at holding me upright. I've tried just about everything that I have at home and the doctor prescribed more of what I had at home. I've just about gotten to a point where one more dizzy spell and I'll scream. Except that will cause a sore throat too. Damn.

I saw a list of things that having diabetes messes up and the inner ear wasn't on the list. However the list was fairly long so I've decided that I'm adding all those things to the things I've bitched about before now. And I'll probably come up with some more things. Life almost has become a roulette game. Spin the wheel and see what will be a problem today. It's just another day at the allergy table.

So I am going to give up grinning for bitching today. But tomorrow is another day. Hope yours is good.

Looks can be deceiving

I have examined my face with a fine eye toward improvement. First idea for improvement is a "Lifestyle Lift". A face lift. I've joked about having someone just pull my  hair up and removing about 6 inches of skin. But my hair is the favorite thing of mine. I'd hate to lose it.

Then there are the creams and facials that are available. All claim to rid the user of wrinkles and to promote dewy youthful skin. And some cost as little as $6 a jar. The only requirement is that you use them.

I personally have a huge stash of creams. That I don't use. But at least none were much over 30 dollars. If I still had the money I'd be hundred's of dollars richer and I'd still look the same.

One of the people I'll never forget is my former and now passed away mother-in-law. She had baby fine skin with very few wrinkles. And yet as a teen she had to work outside in the sun with the rest of her family. Thank goodness she had the foresight to wear a hat. And her beauty regimen consisted of cleansing and moisturizing with basic Noxema. This lovely lady did not miss a day of taking care of her skin. She wasn't vain. There were no expensive make-ups, no state-of-the-art creams. There was constant care. A hat on a sunny day out was important. Good sunglasses. And cleansing and moisturizing. It worked. She looked younger than her years.

At the same time she didn't try to look younger. No short skirts. No hair dye. No jangling bracelets. This woman was an elegant older person. I'll always look up to her.

Now the picture of the cat. This cat is a hairless cat. Meant to be that way. On a cat, the hair can hide a lot of things. Like wrinkles. But this cat isn't hiding anything. I have seen many people who are so comfortable with their looks they go bare faced into the world every day. Most men do. However, I'm drawn toward the happy medium. I can't afford a facelift. So I have to start looking like the cat. And there isn't enough makeup in the world that I could trowel on and look 20. I have not cared for my skin like my lovely MIL. So I'm starting more like the cat.

Good healthy food, vitamins, exercise and self-care are advised for good health. They are also good for skin. I think that needs to be my route with a little help from makeup.

I'm still here

I spent a lot of years growing up and married. During those years I did everything I could to become what my mother and ex wanted me to be. I failed. And now I am being what I was meant to be. It's never too late.

If you're happy and you know it.....

 Happiness. It makes getting older feel better. And I've found that many of the things that used to make me unhappy just don't matter any more.

Psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky is on the forefront of helping everyone find some answers, both through tireless research as well as with her books, like “The How of Happiness” (2007) and its just-published follow-up, “The Myths of Happiness.” 

Lyubomirsky, based at the University of California, Riverside, believes that everyone has his or her own set happiness level, noted the New York Times in a recent profile of the researcher. And the less happy among us tend to share traits like frequently comparing themselves to others (and finding personal disappointment in others’ successes), rationalizing often, and dwelling on unhappy events. Happy folks, meanwhile, have a greater tendency to store up positive moments in their memory.

Perform random acts of kindness
“The generous acts don’t have to be random and they don’t have to be a certain kind (e.g, anonymous or social or big, etc.),” Lyubomirsky told fellow happiness-expert Gretchen Rubin. “We have found that almost any types of acts of kindness boost happiness.” Recent studies have corroborated the findings, she noted, with one showing that when 9- to 11-year old kids were asked to do good deeds for several weeks, they not only got happier, but became more popular with their peers. 

Count your blessings
Learning to practice gratefulness is particularly key to happiness, Lyubomirsky says. And there are many ways to do it: by keeping a gratitude journal, in which you ruminate on 2-3 things for which you’re currently grateful, “from the mundane (your dryer is fixed, your flowers are finally in bloom, your husband remembered to stop by the store) to the magnificent (your child’s first steps, the beauty of the sky at night),” she wrote in a recent blog post. Alternately, you can choose a fixed time that’s set aside for thinking about your blessings, or when you can talk about what’s good in your life with a gratitude partner, or even tell people directly that you’re grateful for them or their actions. Writing one day, and then thinking or discussing the next, is a good way to keep your gratitude practice fresh, she notes.

Be thrifty
Materialism, overconsumption and overspending will ultimately get you down, Lyubomirsky has noted, reiterating the point by using age-old tropes (possessions break, while memories only get better) and quotes (“Our necessities are few, but our wants are endless”). “Promoting sustainable happiness means helping people transcend set points and setbacks to live more rewarding lives,” she writes in one study. “Thrift can complement this endeavor by extending the meaning of sustainability, ensuring that the collective can flourish as well as the individual.” In other words? Greed makes everyone sad.

Learn to savor positive experiences
“The ability to savor the positive experiences in your life is one of the most important ingredients of happiness,” according to Lyubomirsky. How to do it? Put together a small album with happy photos or mementos and carry it around with you. Try to be present and fully appreciate small, happy moments—from taking a shower to eating a meal. And tune in to natural joys, from the sound of a bird singing to the smell of fresh spring blossoms in the air.

Take baby steps toward life goals

Making a list of your big goals in life, and taking baby steps toward them, is very happy-inducing. That’s because a component of happiness is the sense that your life is good, “that you’re progressing towards your goals in life,” Lyubomirsky told Diane Rehm. This is a digestible way to make it possible.

Stay healthy and live long: Happiness peaks at age 65
As she noted in her first book, a 22-year study of about 2,000 healthy veterans of World War II and the Korean War revealed that life satisfaction increased over the course of these men’s lives, peaked at age 65, and didn’t start significantly declining until age 75. Takeaway: Not happy at 30? Don’t give up, and don’t rush it. There’s still time.

Oh my, what can the matter be?

I went to the doctor and she told me to go to Weight Watchers. Not so much to lose weight, though that is part of it. I needed to go to connect with people and get out and make myself focus. Focus.

Have you had a hard time with focus? I do. At night when I'm waiting for sleep, I think of the most wonderful things I can do to lose weight, fix up the house, exercise, cook, etc. But by morning I can remember none of them. And I'm not sure if I'm forgetting them on purpose or what. By some miracle I had lost a few pounds when I weighed in this week. And it was not because of the  diet as much as that the fact of joining WW has made me more aware of what I am eating and my activity level. So I suppose the Doc was right. I did need WW.

When I went to the Doc, they took a bunch of my blood and tested it. My A1c level is really low and that is good for a diabetic. I'm anemic and finally found an iron that works for me. So I'm doing better. I had so little faith in myself. I'm still tired but my youngest child said it might be the Spring allergies. Well, that makes sense so today I'm off to the drug store for more allergy meds. I'm so glad Spring is here that I'll embrace the stuffy nose.

One lesson learned-more faith in myself.

Again, with prejudice

I'm diabetic. I'm fighting something that can kill me slowly and make me miserable in the meantime. And I'm mad about it. I suppose my attitude at first was not realistic. I was glad to find out what was wrong with me. I was glad to have something to focus on. So for the first few months I did really well. I ate mostly low carbs and a lot of protein. I went from one easy to grab thing to another. And my first tests were pretty good. But life can conspire to give kicks in the rear whether you want them or not. I know I have never been good at maintaining focus. And I know that I'm quick to go for the easiest out.

This winter was a series of things that I'm sorry to say got in the way. Dark days make for depression. Depression makes for exhaustion. At least with me it does. Cold weather hurts my back and knees. And pain in the back and knees makes for exhaustion and depression. Exhaustion makes for grabbing the easiest things to eat and makes for the least amount of work possible.(read-no cooking) And there are only so many things that one can grab that aren't high in carbs. So the focus on the best diet for me was out  the window. I skipped going to the doctor because I didn't want to admit the screw up that my life had become. Meanwhile, the weight crept up, putting more pressure on the knees and back, and causing more exhaustion and depression. So finally I made an appointment with the doctor. I'm going in on Friday. I'm aware that I should have gone months ago. My reaction to being pushed into doing something is to push back. But in the meantime I'm unhappy. Big time. And exhausted. So by going to the doctor I'm going to make myself look again at the things I need to do.

I'm aware that this post has been depressing. I must face that I'm depressing others. I hope to be more upbeat soon. I'm trying to add more protein sources to my diet because I'm freakin tired of the things I've been eating. I hope it works because I'd love to smile more.