The more things change

I always was an optimist. I say that knowing it isn't true. I spent many years of my life as a wife and mother of three beautiful children. I knew next to nothing about being a wife or mother. I fully expected that I would be given the respect of being a partner in the marriage and of being right in my ideas of raising the children. Alas, that didn't happen.

The person I married wed me with the idea of being the knight in shining armor and rescuing me from my terrible home life and training me to be a good person according to his standards. His mother, whom I came to love dearly, was his idea of the perfect woman. I didn't know this when we wed. I learned eventually. She actually was an unusual mix of the Victorian wife and woman, and of the modern woman. R, (not her name) fully believed that the man is the head of the house. But R didn't realize that the man she had married was a wonderful but shy man who wouldn't fight her to run things. He was an absolute delight and I loved him so much. But back to R. The Victorian view of things had the woman raising the children and preparing them for the next phase of their lives. Females were to be wives and men were to bring home the bacon. Then things changed. By the time I was married the wives and husbands were breadwinners. But some things didn't change. I was supposed to become his mother. Couldn't do it. And you know how when you run toward someone they back up? That's normal. I didn't know. The more I wanted to share in his life the less I was welcome. And at some point you just give up. After all, I was the one in the wrong, and he was doing his job, bringing home the bacon.

I am amazed at how insidiously the message sneaks into the interaction. The pursed lips, the boys only outings, the why don't you questions. Loud and clear to anyone who listens. I didn't. I thought that once I was married I was safe. That my husband and I would work out problems without anyone's feelings being hurt. Again, wrong. I lived in a constant state of anxiety and fear.

So I acted out. Badly. I hurt the kids. Terribly. I suppose I may have hurt him but by that time I didn't care. Paybacks are hell.

Now I'm getting my payback. My hope that we could be friendly coparents- a total no go. My hope to develop better relationships with the kids- somewhat successful. But this year, I'm a basket case and I can't seem to stop crying. I would love it if someone would say a prayer for me.

Age or beauty?

I am always looking at fashions and wondering if they are too old or too young. Some things spring right out to me. But others are harder to determine. Such as skirt lengths, heel heights, makeup colors. Etc. Here is one answer.  I've now got answers to some questions and questions I didn't have before. Long hair after 40? Well, what do you think? Blue nails? Cleavage? There are so many things going into putting ourselves together and the look we want to project. At least there are some folks with opinions.

Humor

I've decided to look into the humor of my life and my aging. I have agonized over the loss of some things, struggled with the onset of others, and been angry at some things I can't do anything about. And where did that get me? Exactly nowhere. I'm still not living near my kids, and I still have back and knee pain. And I'm still diabetic. Damn!!!!!

Well, this Christmas looks to be depressing and I need to do something to stave off the pity party I was preparing myself for. I'm looking to find something to become a new tradition.  I've already figured out the menu for my non-traditional Christmas dinner. But I don't want to just sit around and watch TV or whatever. And if honey and I want to visit our gifts we'll have to go out to the driveway cause we are getting each other tires for Christmas.

Now I'm sure that bitching about Christmas is a waste of time because there are literally millions out there who can't even afford tires. So this year, one of the things I'm doing is donating as much as I can to relieve hunger. And I've decided that as a total animal lover I'm going to buy some dog and cat food and I have a small nice crate. I am going to donate these things to the local animal shelter. So that adds to the good holiday things. I'm going to keep a list almost like a Christmas list of gifts to buy. Honey and I don't have a lot of disposable money so the donations will take the place of some of the gifts we used to buy but don't any more.. And any gifts I do buy I'm going to try to shop at local businesses.

It's inevitable that things change as we age. I used to cook Christmas dinner for at least 8 people and this year it will be us two. I used to set up Santa on Christmas Eve and have trouble sleeping because I couldn't wait for morning to see the kids' faces. Well, now I am working toward having a rewarding Christmas by being grateful for what I have and the small ways I can help others.

Less Stress is a gift

Holiday Stress. Since becoming an adult it has been a joy killer every year. There are some ways to change that. When I was younger, I was busy cooking and entertaining family and though I loved it, I did stress over it. Now there isn't any more family to feed and I'm stressing about what I don't have. What a catch-22. So I checked out possible aids to joy. Here from MSN Healthy Living are:

• Find support. People facing difficult family situations should set aside time to spend with their friends. Those who feel isolated or alone should take advantage of resources in their community or volunteer their time at a local charity.
• Get some alone time. Even a 15-minute break can help you relax and relieve stress. Taking a brisk walk or getting some exercise can significantly improve your mood.
• Set limits. You can't do everything, so do only what you enjoy. Allow friends and family members to share their ideas about what they would like to do during the holidays.
• Reduce shopping stress. Set a budget and do not spend more than you intend. Don't let guilt, competitiveness or perfectionism send you on more shopping excursions than you would like.
• Enlist help. Let your friends and family contribute to the holiday preparations.
• Be realistic. Don't set your holiday expectations too high. Allow your loved ones to be themselves and set any conflicts aside for another time.
• Reflect on the past. Honor and remember loved ones who have passed away.
• Be organized. Plan meals, shopping lists and other activities in advance so you have more time to enjoy the holidays.
• Remember what's important. Spend some time focusing on family, religious beliefs or traditions. 

I'm sure there are some others that people use. I'm going for a walk in the woods this weekend. Nature always helps me. Let's have a good, safe Holiday Season.

Not yet

I tried and tried

Antioxidant function of CoQ₁₀

The antioxidant nature of CoQ₁₀ derives from its energy carrier function. As an energy carrier, the CoQ₁₀ molecule is continually going through an oxidation-reduction cycle. As it accepts electrons, it becomes reduced. As it gives up electrons, it becomes oxidized. In its reduced form, the CoQ₁₀ molecule holds electrons rather loosely, so this CoQ molecule will quite easily give up one or both electrons and, thus, act as an antioxidant.^[11] CoQ₁₀ inhibits lipid peroxidation by preventing the production of lipid peroxyl radicals (LOO). Moreover, CoQH₂ reduces the initial perferryl radical and singlet oxygen, with concomitant formation of ubisemiquinone and H₂O₂. This quenching of the initiating perferryl radicals, which prevent propagation of lipid peroxidation, protects not only lipids, but also proteins from oxidation. In addition, the reduced form of CoQ effectively regenerates vitamin E from the a-tocopheroxyl radical, thereby interfering with the propagation step. Furthermore, during oxidative stress, interaction of H₂O₂ with metal ions bound to DNA generates hydroxyl radicals and CoQ efficiently prevents the oxidation of bases, in particular, in mitochondrial DNA.^[11] In contrast to other antioxidants, this compound inhibits both the initiation and the propagation of lipid and protein oxidation. It also regenerates other antioxidants such as vitamin E. The circulating CoQ₁₀ in LDL prevents oxidation of LDL, which may provide benefit in cardiovascular diseases.

I read and reread and pondered this explanation. I have high cholesterol. I read somewhere that CoQ10 would help. Especially since I'm tired all the time and since my lipids are all over the map. Finally I hit on a solution to my problem of understanding of this explanation. It helps. It keeps some things from breaking down and keeps some things setting up. It regenerates some. And I'm going to try it. A trip to the drug store is in order.

I also have recently begun to see some changes to my body which accompany my change in diet. I've been getting salads from the fast food places. It's actually cheaper than buying all of the stuff and making my own. I use a dinner salad for 2 or 3 meals. For $6. Anyway, I'm still not eating enough fruits and veggies but I'm improving. I found a couple of great salads at Wendy's. Got to go there tonight.

I got a flu shot which gave me a reaction. I found out that that has happened a lot because of the combination of flu strains it works on. I got a prescription for a shingles shot but after so many people started getting sick and dying from steroid shots here in Tennessee, I decided to wait. But sooooon.

It's a hard time

http://health-tools.health.msn.com/reducing-allergens-around-the-home/8-tips-to-fight-fall-allergies/






I've had a hard time with the allergic season this Fall. I love Fall but there are times I'd just as soon skip the whole thing. I sometimes have trouble telling the difference between allergies and a cold. That is the way the allergies act in my body. I'm prone to being stopped up, coughing, sneezing, and being really tired. A cold right? Not necessarily. And if it's gone the next day, it must have been allergies.

In East Tennessee we have one of the allergy capitals of the world. I'm sure other folks think the same about their homes. But even the doctors here seem to think it's true. And I'm doing what I can to make it better. One of the things I can't do is drink orange juice(diabetes), use honey and lemon for the cough, and use a lot of antihistamines. My blood pressure is fine right now but it has been high and the best ones say to be careful.

So I'm into making myself feel better in other ways. Yes I do take Aleve. It helps with the back and knee problems but it also helps with headaches brought on by allergies. And I've started to drink non caffeine teas. And I take warm showers, not hot. And I think the best thing I do for myself is to add fruits and veggies to my diet. I have not been a salad lover. But I finally discovered that I like the salads I get when I am out to eat. So instead of buying all of the salad stuff and spending big bucks on full heads of lettuce, etc., I go to Wendys or another place with good salads and buy them there. The salads at some restaurants will last me 2-4 days. A salad that I pay $6 for will have meat on it, and will easily be divided into smaller side salads and there is often chicken or some other meat that can be used in a lot of ways. That is how I view the expenditure. And for that money I am also getting the vitamins and antioxidants that I need to fight off colds and help fight the allergies. That is, then, a recommendation from me to anyone who has allergies.

The recommendation is to do what you can to reduce the allergies, including taking meds. And then to coddle yourself. For some reason, I am comforted by little extras in my life. A good cup of tea, a special bubble bath, or just getting rid of something that causes stress seems to help me ignore some discomforts from my allergies.